Frasch Ideas—Examine, Inquire, Explore

Goal-Free Living Conversation with Stephen Shapiro

Posted by Theresa on June 1st, 2006 filed in Book Review, Goals, Goal-Free Living

Goal-Free Living: How to Have the Life You Want NOW!

Stephen Shapiro, the author of Goal-Free Living: How to Have the Life You Want NOW! emailed me!

“I read your blog entry today about GFL and your struggle with the detachment secret. I would love to have a phone conversation to discuss and see if I can get you out of your rut. Detachment is one of the most important secrets in the book. With it, everything else flows.”

This morning we had that conversation. This morning I feel exhilarated and free. It is time for me to stop reading, stop trying to figure everything out, stop pursuing, stop trying so hard to make things happen. It is time for me to get rid of deadlines and details. It is time for me to relax, have fun, enjoy.

When Stephen talks about detachment he does not mean being indifferent or uncommitted. He means to detach oneself from a specific outcome and to focus on the present. Try things out without a particular expectation. Go places to be there and experience without trying to make things happen. Broaden your expectations - allow anything to happen. Have fun with life, experiment, try out new things, pretend you are someone else. Get out there and do it. Continually rediscover your purpose.

When you are detached, you can enjoy the process without worrying about the results.

It is like the ultimate road trip - you have a general destination and you have the time of your life getting there, stopping anywhere you want, staying as long as you want, you can even change your mind about your destination.

It is like being in vacation mode. When I am on vacation I like to take things as they come. I have a few things I’d like to do, but it doesn’t matter when I get to them and I like being open to new things that might come my way. Sometimes the unplanned things are the best.

I want my life to be filled with creativity, writing, learning, teaching and motivation. I want my life to be filled with love, laughter, and wellness; with plenty of time for solitude and plenty of time for my friends and family. So let it happen.

I liked it when he said to me, “Continually rediscover your purpose.” I was feeling trapped in my purpose because I had had it for so long and I had told so many people. I worked so hard to come up with it I didn’t want to let it go.

In the book The Passion Test the Attwoods recommend rediscovering your passions every six months…because things change, your passions may have become an integral part of your life, you may have discovered something else about yourself in the meantime, what you thought was your passion wasn’t really.

There is such a wonderful freedom in continually rediscovering your purpose. I don’t feel stuck anymore.

Stephen told me to let go of the future. Make things work now. Detach yourself from the outcome. Reattach yourself to something else.

I told him my life purpose: My life purpose is to inspire and educate people to experience the satisfaction and the exhilaration that comes from having the courage to be who they really are.

He encouraged me to broaden my purpose and shorten it into one or two words. He talks about having a one-word theme for the year instead of resolutions. Today he told me the reason he called me is because his theme is IMPACT. He told me that Tom Peters‘ right-hand man found my comment on his blog and then looked into my blog and told Stephen that he ought to add a comment about my struggles.

So Stephen (or anybody else), do you have any advice for me? My aspiration is to teach/train/inspire/motivate but I can’t seem to get it right. Either I pick the wrong company, or they don’t pay enough to make it full time, or I can’t even get the job.

I feel frustrated because I have to have a money-earning job but I want to fulfill my aspirations. I feel like I am running out of options. Do I just take another sales job, furniture or otherwise, or do I hold out for what I want. Do I take something, anything in the meantime, detach myself from the outcome of my aspirations and see what happens?

Comments welcome.

Since his theme is IMPACT he decided to do one better and talk to me in person. I can’t tell you how much I appreciated his call, his help, his insight, and yes…his IMPACT.

I hope he doesn’t mind if I use his word. Because that is what I want - to have an impact, to be an impact on people. I can detach myself from the aspiration to be a world-famous motivational speaker and reattach myself to having/being an impact. I can impact everyday and be in the moment, enjoying it, having fun with it - at my new job (whatever that will be), at Toastmasters, in my Book Clubs, with my friends, with new people I meet, the readers of my blog and my family.

I don’t have to worry about whether or not my job will complete and fulfill me. I still want to do something I will enjoy and be good at, but I do not have to make my job be a road-map to success. I can make an impact anywhere, anytime. There is a wonderful freedom in that - a Goal-Free Living freedom.

Stephen, thank you again for taking the time out of your busy schedule to have this conversation with me. You offered me clear insights, suggestions and examples for living a Goal-Free Life. You definitely had an impact on me.

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12 Responses to “Goal-Free Living Conversation with Stephen Shapiro”

Beth Says:
June 1st, 2006 at 1:19 pm
It makes me happy to read that you feel so refreshed. Its the most excited I’ve “seen” you be in a long time. That’s exciting! I’m glad to see you enjoying the journey.
danielle Says:
June 1st, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Theresa,

I am so thrilled for you! You have made a HUGE impact on me and how I view life. Seeing you excited and not so rigid in your life structure is refreshing and I am inspired….you are a gift in my life.

danielle
Blaine Says:
June 1st, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Hey Theresa,

Yes, yes… do the work and leave the results to someone else… like the Grand Design. Still one must be fulfilled… if you’ve climbed up Maslows heirachy of need and have all the foundation work done. Have an impact, make an impact… just do it.

Being in the hallway of change can be disconcerting, one door closes and where is next good one… so many choices… saying yes to one and knowing you are saying no to another… hummmm. Hey you can handle it… have an impact, make an impact… just do it.

Blaine
shirley ann Says:
June 1st, 2006 at 4:54 pm
Sounds like you are freeing yourself to be open to possibilities instead of trying to steer toward a preset goal. I am thrilled that the author contacted you and I hope the job search is successful. Remember: the job is the means, not the end. love, shirley ann
Tom Says:
June 1st, 2006 at 5:31 pm
Hello Theresa,
This is my first time to your site. Thanks for directing me here to read about your experience. I am delighted to be here and read about the counsel shared above. I believe it is advice from which we all can clearly benefit. I appreciate it. Now just a brief word about your IMPACT. I want you to know that if that is your goal, you will have IMPACT because you already demonstrate it in so many ways!!! Your IMPACT already ripples, reaching out and touching others in ways you will never see. Trust me even as I compose this comment your impact is reaching out touching lives and being passed on. I would like to make a personal note specifically regarding your impact on me. You have often impacted me through you leadership, kind gestures and speeches in toastmasters. I especially look forward to your new leadership role in Toastmasters. You most recently impacted me with your very generous support of the Climb for Clean Air with American Lung Association of Washington (ALAW) in my name as I take on the challenge of Mt. Rainier. Your bigheartedness is truly appreciated and has impacted me and those who benefit from the wonderful work of the ALAW. Thank you very much!!
mary Says:
June 1st, 2006 at 5:55 pm
Hey Theresa I am glad that you heard from him and that it the IMPACT that it did on you. I am not a famous author or anything (though I do write for my professional journal AND have a necklace design being featured in an international BEADING magazine)but I think he makes sense. I have found in the last dozen or so years (after OJ) that I have the freedom to do what I love. I love being a mom, doing PTA, a Girl Scout leader and school volunteer. I love being a wonderful wife to Carl, I love my church,I love working in Health Information, I love coding, I love teaching. I just do what I love and end up sharing it with others and happen to be paid well for it. I tell my students on the first day of class that I talk fast so they had better listen fast because I had a lot to tell them. Students always mention on my evals the PASSION I have for what I teach, whether it is medical terminology or beading classes. They comment on my knowledge of the subject and my exacting standards for them. I am a tough teacher. But it is not a virtue on my part that I am good at what I do, it is because I do what I am good at. That is a big difference. I have had students make remarks on how I influenced them and that is great to hear, but I would still teach with passion because that is how I am. I thought I could choose the word PASSION but I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, so what do you think of this one? MOXIE “The ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage. Aggressive energy; initiative:” This is fun word and less likely to be misunderstood Start doing what you love and the job and money will come. Heck go back to waitressing, great money, short hours and spend the rest of the time doing what you love.

Love
Mary

MOXIE
Theresa Says:
June 2nd, 2006 at 10:54 am
Thank you all for your comments. They mean so much to me.

Dear Beth,

You’ve known me the longest - 26 years, and you’ve seen me grow in ways that only a daughter can. To rephrase the Mothers Day card you sent me:

I love you as a daughter, I respect you as a woman, and I enjoy you as a friend. Am I the luckiest mother alive, or what?

Dear Danielle,

Your friendship was one of the best things to come out of working at LA Weight Loss (oh yeah…that and the 20 lbs!). You are always so uplifting and encouraging. I’m glad we found each other.

Dear Blaine,

As always you are so insightful. Maybe one of these days we will have a chance to put our good ideas to use.

Dear Shirley Ann,

You’ve got it exactly right. I feel so much better just knowing I can “do my thing” every day and enjoy it right now instead of always waiting to get “there.” We need to get together, Cousin!

Dear Tom,

YOU are one of the reasons I love our Sunuppers Toastmasters club - you are a genuine, kind, caring man with a gift for telling life-changing stories. Thank you for your kind words about the impact I have had on you. Come back often.

Dear Moxie (I mean Mary),

That’s what I want to experience - the freedom to so what I love - without any strings attached (the strings being goals). I’m glad you are my sister and I love it when I see you have commented on my blog. Thanks for the phone call the other day. I love you.

To the rest of you who emailed me personally, thank you too: John, Shelley, Bob, Rachelle, and Billy.
Frasch Ideas — Exploring…Motivating…Creating » Blog Archive » My Job Search part 4 Says:
June 3rd, 2006 at 11:18 am
[…] Frasch Ideas — Exploring…Motivating…Creating Home Contact Me « Goal-Free Living Conversation with Stephen Shapiro […]
Stephen Shapiro Says:
June 3rd, 2006 at 4:00 pm
Theresa, it was MY pleasure! Steve
toni Says:
June 9th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
you have also impacted my life in any ways. Sometimes I get caught up in my own plans and for get about today. You are a great person and friend.
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November 5th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
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Frasch Ideas—Examine, Inquire, Explore » Blog Archive » My Theme for 2007 Says:
December 31st, 2006 at 11:07 am
[…] Earlier this year I read the book Goal-Free Living by Stephen Shapiro. I discussed my thoughts about the book in my blog in various places. And, to top things off I had a phone conversation with the author Stephen Shapiro! […]