Frasch Ideas—Examine, Inquire, Explore

Make Conflicting Ideas Matter

• Posted by Theresa on July 26th, 2006 filed in Book Review, Believe It or Not, Self-Help

Conflict - something none of us seem to like, especially when it challenges our point of view.

I was reading Change the Way You See Everything and came to a page entitled “Get a Charge Out of Conflict.” The headline says Make Opposition Matter.

“Conflict,” it says, “if treated properly, offers the chance to change your mind altogether.”

That is, of course, what we want to avoid. We want to avoid it because we feel we are right and we want the other person to change their mind.

Conflict can be used to gain insight to yourself, your ideas, your beliefs. The authors (Kathryn D. Cramer and hank Wasiak) say, “It pushes your boundaries - intellectual, emotional, and physical.”

Conflict can be used to gain insight but can we use it that way?

Here is their advice: “When faced with conflict, explore the possibility that opposing forces can both be true simultaneously. Taking this perspective immediately dissolves animosity and piques curiosity. You find yourself wondering, ‘What’s their truth? Where is the value on their side?’

Do you think it can be done?

I remember before and after “recovering memories” of sexual abuse that I needed, sought, desired positive reinforcement of their validity. I sought validity from my therapist, my sexually abused and or sympathetic friends, my reading material, and my family.

My conflict was that “damned Elizabeth Loftus” who wrote articles and gave expert advice that recovered memories were not likely, that the memory is a faulty device and shouldn’t be relied upon, and that memories could be implanted by well-meaning therapists, etc. I hated her and her research. She was intent on making me out to be a fool. Well, she didn’t even know me but I took it personally.

I took it personally. That’s why it is so hard to be open-minded about a conflict of ideas - we take our own ideas personally and we view differing ideas as attacks on us.

What finally made me change my mind? A series of little things - things that gently allowed me to view the other side of other things and eventually allowed me to focus on the big thing.

Maybe that is how to approach conflicting ideas. Rather than making the person feel like you are attacking their whole idea, view, mindset or beliefs, if we could just agree to take a look at one little part of it or something very similar and apply it or let it take hold eventually on its own. And be open to taking a look at your part the same way.

It won’t be easy, but perhaps worth a try. “When you finally give up the belief that yours is the only truth,” says the book, “it changes the game forever. Now you’re in a position to see what new truth you can create together.”

Do you think it can be done?

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