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Habit 4

• Posted by Theresa on January 24th, 2007 filed in Responsibility, Book Review

Habit 4 (Stephen Covey The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) is: Think Win-Win. It is based on the premise that effective, long-term relationships require seeking solutions that allow everyone to succeed. I bolded Think because it is a mindset. You have to be thinking win-win all of the time, not just when conflict arises. Win-win requires trust. Trust must be built.

One of the ways to build trust is to make deposits into someone’s personal bank account:

• keep promises
• be kind and courteous
• be loyal
• listen
• apologize
• set clear expectations

The key to building trust deposits is that they must be sincere and they must be what the other person wants.

The midset of the win-win person is that there is plenty out there for everyone. What is a win-win person like? She is one who balances courage and consideration and seeks mutual benefits. Win-win people have rich relationships and develop solutions to problems faster. They are generous and full of team spirit.

I came across a quote in something Covey-related that I was reading (I have access to many Covey books at work):

“Balance being courageous and considerate at the same time.”

My co-worker and I have been discussing this concept for a few days. How do you say what you really feel when you are afraid the other person might be offended or hurt or take it the wrong way? I think that quote says it well. Balance being courageous (the willingness to speak your thoughts and feeling) and considerate (willingness and ability to seek and listen to others’ thoughts and feelings with respect) at the same time.

The book by Stephen M.R. Covey (Seven Habits Stephen’s son) The Speed of Trust is a great book on developing trust. He gives 13 behaviors to develop trust.

1. Talk Straight - Be honest. Tell the truth. Use simple language. Call things what they are. Demonstrate integrity. Don’t manipulate people or distort facts. Don’t spin the truth. Don’t leave false impressions.
2. Demonstrate Respect - Genuinely care for others. Show you care. Respect the dignity of every person and every role. Treat everyone with respect, especially those who can’t do anything for you. Show kindness in the little things. Don’t fake caring. Don’t attempt to be “efficient” with people.
3. Create Transparency - Tell the truth in a way people can verify. Get real and genuine. Be open and authentic. Err on the side of disclosure. Operate on the premise of “What you see is what you get.” Don’t have hidden agendas. Don’t hide information.
4. Right Wrongs - Make things right when you are wrong. Apologize quickly. Make restitution where possible. Practice “service recoveries.” Demonstrate personal humility. Don’t cover things up. Don’t let pride get in the way of doing the right thing.
5. Show Loyalty - Give credit freely. Acknowledge the contributions of others. Speak about people as if they were present. Represent others who aren’t there to speak for themselves. Don’t badmouth others behind their backs; don’t disclose others’ private information.
6. Deliver Results - Establish a track record of results. Get the right things done. Make things happen. Accomplish what you are hired to do. Be on time and within budget. Don’t overpromise and underdeliver. Don’t make excuses for not delivering.
7. Get Better - Continuously improve. Increase your capabilities. Be a constant learner. Develop feedback systems - both formal and informal. Act on the feedback you receive. Thank people for feedback. Don’t assume today’s knowledge and skills will be sufficient for tomorrow’s challenges.
8. Confront Reality - Address the tough stuff directly. Acknowledge the unsaid. Lead out courageously in conversation. Remove the “sword from their hands.” Don’t skirt the real issues. Don’t bury your head in the sand.
9. Clarify Expectations - Disclose and reveal expectations. Discuss them. Validate them. Renegotiate them if needed and possible. Don’t violate expectations. Don’t assume that expectations are clear or shared.
10. Practice Accountability - Hold yourself accountable. Hold others accountable. Take responsibility for results. Be clear on how you’ll communicate how you’re doing - and how others are doing. Don’t avoid or shirk responsibility. Don’t blame others or point fingers when things go wrong.
11. Listen First - Listen before you speak. Understand. Diagnose. Listen with your ears - and your eyes and heart. Find out what the most important behaviors are to the people you are working with. Don’t assume you know what matters most to others. Don’t presume you have all the answers - or all the questions.
12. Keep Commitments - Say what you are going to do, then do what you say you are going to do. Make commitments carefully and keep them. Make keeping your commitments the symbol of your honor. Don’t break confidences. Don’t attempt to “PR” your way out of a commitment you’ve broken.

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